On Sundays after dinner, there is laughter, discussion and a whole lot of noise. It has become one of my favorite days of the week and although my kids wouldn’t admit it, I think they enjoy it as well. Who wouldn’t want to voice their opinion on rules? Or play an epic game of Outfoxed?
As kids go from dependent little babies to toddlers with their own very strong opinions to kids who all have very different likes, dislikes, and thoughts, it’s important that they get to express who they are. The safest place for them to do this is in their own home. With you, their parents.
Without a doubt, kids who have boundaries tend to grow up to be successful and feel loved. So when I say they should be able to express who they are and have the autonomy to make their own decisions, I’m not talking about being permissive. Instead, I’m referring to providing them their own agency within the limits you set.
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The absolutely best way to accomplish this is to have weekly or even monthly family meetings.
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Can I ask you a hard question I often ask myself?
How can our kids grow up to make good choices if they’re never allowed to make any choices?
That one hurts for me because I tend to be an over-controller (times a thousand). We are parenting people who will become adults. Our focus shouldn’t be to only have kids who are “good” and always “well behaved”, but adults who are kind, driven, have great leadership abilities and who are able to support themselves. This all starts with giving them room to make their own decisions.
Family Meetings are very important and useful. They allow kids to have some “skin in the game”, which in turn, helps them make better choices. They tend to feel valued so they behave better in front of you and when not in front of you, which is crucial! The question then is, “What do we talk about or do?” Coming up with a Family Meeting Agenda that you use at every meeting can really help!
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We follow this basic structure in order to keep it short:
Concerns, new rules, anything that came up during the previous week that needs to be addressed. For example, last week, our topics of discussion were:
This includes upcoming events, holidays, extra-curricular activities and date nights!
My husband and I love this part because it helps the two of us be on the same page. I send him calendar invites that he doesn’t always get. This helps minimize any conflict over practices and events.
On the Family Meeting Agenda I made and use, there is a perfect spot to fill in the days of the week.
Our middle child loves to learn new words.
We pick a word from a “words to make you sound smarter” list or “words to study for the SAT”, discuss the meaning and try to use it throughout the week.
A word we had one time was aberration. My oldest struggles a little with behavior at school because he’s so busy and has a lot of energy! On his own, he came up with a great sentence for this word. “It is an aberration for me to get a treasure box in my gifted class.”
Yep, that is very true! And you know what this did? It opened up a conversation about the choices he can make and the communication he can have with his teacher to help him work through those situations. So even though this may be something you wouldn’t typically have on your Family Meeting Agenda, it can help your kids talk about what’s happening in their lives!
Each of our family members picks a skill to work on. This week included how to manage anger, how to stop correcting people, keeping phones away while together and go to the gym.
We try to go around the room and tell each other something nice.
This can be an appreciation for something specific they did or something we like about that person. The words can be as specific or generic as long as they are positive and not about poop or other bodily functions!
We played the game during the meeting but sometimes we’ll end with one or go for a bike ride.
Here are some fun games referred to me by my Facebook Followers!
Instead of being broad with “topics of discussion”, you can specifically name what it is that you want to talk about every week. There are also additional “line items” that can be added to best fit your family.
Challenges and Solutions | This can be challenges individuals are facing or challenges that are happening within the family.
Concerns for Others in the Family | Someone may be dealing with sadness or anger causing other family members to be concerned. With this one, be sure to address the problem and not to attack the person.
Meal Planning | The whole family can get involved in what they want to eat for the week!
Open Discussion | This can be a time where family members address anything that happens to be on their minds.
Things to Celebrate/Things to Fix | Was there a birthday, something exciting happening at school or at a sport? Celebrate it! This can also be a time to find things that didn’t go quite well and come up with solutions on how to fix it.
Discipline Tools and or Strategies | You can introduce new rules at this time or ways certain situations will be handled in the future.
Conversation Starters | By asking a question like, “What kind of superhero would you be?” can lighten the mood of the meeting. These kinds of questions are fun to hear what our kids come up with to get a better insight into who they are.
Something good and something bad | I’ve heard families call this Sweet and Sour or Highs and Lows. It’s a time where everyone thinks of something positive that happened the week before and also something that wasn’t a great experience.
Service or Acts of Kindness | The best way to teach our kids empathy is to get out and serve. Collecting items and donating money really benefits organizations. While kids are young though, they need to tangibly see the difference they are making. Seeing a person’s expression when they help out will help create a more compassionate person.
Our family uses this agenda weekly! We printed a bunch out, three-hole-punched those suckers and put them in a pretty binder. My kids take turns running the meeting so this agenda makes it very easy for them.
Have you started to have family meetings? If so, what benefits have you started seeing? Do you have any additional ideas on how to run a Family meeting? I would love to hear from you!! Comment below. Originally published Nov 1, 2018, and updated Oct 8, 2019
Hello. I’m Adriane. I’m a mom to three loud boys, am a research-a-holic and very passionate person who writes at Raising Kids With Purpose. Parenting can feel so hard sometimes but with mindset shifts and understanding, it can be very enjoyable. My hope is to inspire parents like you to create lifelong connections with your children and enjoy the journey along the way!
